Video Games Vista: me before I transitioned Videos

Added: Dec 5, 2008

From: MichelleLilith

Duration: 4:51

I made this video nine years ago at the high school I was teaching at, Hononegah High School in Rockton Illinois. I left mid year so I wanted to say good bye somehow to everyone. Obviously I was the art teacher. I am posting this because I am now a transgender or transsexual female. I am still teaching art. I transitioned 2 years ago- I left in June as Michael and came back to the same school in August as Michelle. I met this awesome Australian film producer, Rohan Spong, that is making a documentary about teachers that transition in American schools. He asked me to be in the film and we just finished up shooting over the summer. The film should be out by the end of the year. In this video I paint a landscape on a piece of plexus-glass with "angel" as the background music. I had just come from the staff Christmas party and was very depressed as my wife and kids had already moved to Nevada ahead of me. It was about 12:30 at night and I made this with just 2 takes in the art room that I would never see again. The ironic part of this video is that we ended up moving to the bottom of Hope Valley on the back side of Lake Tahoe. The view from our house looked up the valley through two mountains just like this. It was our dream home. This was the last residence I shared with my wife and kids as my transition was too much for them to handle. The idea was, as I painted you would see less and less of me until I was gone. I was headed to the mountains so I just painted a simple and quick landscape. But for my family and most of my friends and students, this WAS the last they would see of Michael. Some say that when you transition it is like walking through a door and that is the way I looked at it. I was not sure who or what was going to be on the other side. I went from this school in Illinois to Nevada to teach for three years until the time of my divorce. I could no longer take living a lie. I ended up moving to California where I got a teaching position in the Roseville High School district. Being the low person on the seniority scale I got bounced around to 3 different schools in just two years. I was going through a VERY difficult time at that point with losing my family and the new added financial burden of child support. I had very few friends at the time and I was all alone in a new state. Perhaps my teaching suffered a bit by then but my dedication never stopped. You can ask the kids that I taught during that brief time at Granite Bay. In my second year in the district my child support payments literally quadrupled and after four months I could no longer afford my 1200 a month apartment in Roseville.So the last three months I was at Granite Bay High School I was actually living in my car and sleeping in Wal-Mart's parking lot. The school had by that time decided they did not want me around anymore. I suppose one of my two secrets made their way to the principal- that either I was transgendered or that I was homeless, neither of which fit in with Granite Bay's "image". I thought I would find caring people at the very least in the art community, and there were a few that helped more than they know at such a low time in my life. I thought California was going to be a great place to transition (which is kind of weird- that trans folks have to look at a map to see where they can be themselves) but it wasn't for me. I ended up moving to Arizona, to the city that voted more conservative in the last presidential election per capita than any other city in the country. I found a family. These were the ones waiting on the other side of the door for me.Unfortunately almost everyone I knew prior to going through that door was gone on the other side. I really hope my family will see the film and see that I didn't turn out so bad. So as you can see- the film has a great amount of meaning. I was pretty much painting myself out of everyone's lives. The day after I shot the video I showed it to my TA, Brett, at school. He took the video and brought it to the office and they played the tape for the whole Honenegah student body during announcements. I was in senior study hall at the time and it was my last day at the school. After the video the kids formed a single file line and everyone of them gave me a hug as they left for lunch, many of them crying like I had done all day. I hope you enjoy the video and the story, Michelle

Channel: People

Tags: "the  art  artist  documentary  fairwell  goodbye  high  irish  mclachlan  mtf  painting  sarah  saying  school  teacher  teacher"  transexual  transgender  transition  transitioning 

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